I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
