remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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