Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
