so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
