i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
