EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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