mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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