she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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