i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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