hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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