I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
