you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
