Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
