Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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