eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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