im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
