At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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