Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
