It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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