yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
