Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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