help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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