we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My dick has a subreddit
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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