this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
