she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize