Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
