i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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