it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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