well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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