How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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