The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You ate ashes out of my bong
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize