chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
