I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
