Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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