Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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