At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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