D3 body, D1 cock
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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