apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
