Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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