I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
