loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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