i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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