My friends, they love my intelligence
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
