he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
