Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize