please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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