If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
