im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
