I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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