that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You were trust falling into bushes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
