The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
