Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
