I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
do nipples grow back?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
