I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up