I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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