There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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