I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
