Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
don't judge my taste in strippers
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
