well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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